my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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