it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
