I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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