He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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