he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize