Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
