ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize