sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
