I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
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