You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
