i was born a porn star she said
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
