he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
