For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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