I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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