I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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