babies were throwing up all over the place
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Someone came in the potted fern
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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