with your own penis?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
