You just made me feel so damn special
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
