so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So vagazzling was a success
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
