nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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