You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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