Just fell off a train. Bad.
my phone needs a breathalizer
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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