not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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