Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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