Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
