There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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