I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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