I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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