dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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