remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize