can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
