Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
