why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
