I puked a lego.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
