i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
