when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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