When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
