I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
