I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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