She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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