the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
