you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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