I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
