I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
