Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
