dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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