if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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