so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
