Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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