dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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