my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize