Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
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