Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
