P.S. I can't hear my feet
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
