Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
