her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
