Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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