East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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