margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I want to be your penis for a week.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
