I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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