She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
