Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
