Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
