Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
