Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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