I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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