Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
