Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
