Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
